Opening To A New Day

Every once in a while I have this conversation with my wife about how we live like kings. We eat foods from all over the world, we listen to the best musicians, we watch the greatest athletes. We have great theatre unfold over our TV screens each night. You get the picture. Anyway, this morning I experienced all this at higher level, a whole new plain of modern convenience.

I woke up, took a shower, and dragged myself downstairs. It's 5:30 am, and I click on ESPN2 to get the opening game of the 2004 Major League Baseball season - live from Japan. From there, I go into my kitchen to make some coffee and turn on my newest toy, an Audiovox Satellite Radio. It has 100 different channels of music and such, completely commercial-free. The lack of advertisers allows the satellite company, Sirius, to play whatever it wants to, and they do.

So the coffee's brewing, and I'm hearing an extended Widespread Panic jam as I check my email and my blog, my message to anyone anywhere on the planet. Then I'm drinking the same coffee as Toby Hall (catcher on my championship fantasy team) hits a two-run single, and the Allman Brothers play a cover of Robert Johnson's "Come on in My Kitchen", recorded live in the Sirius studios last year. Perfect.

Well, almost perfect. Hall gets thrown out by a country mile at second, which serves to remind me that:

A. Baseball is an incredibly frustrating form of entertainment, and
B. I'm completely disillusioned with the state of the Stat World..

Hall gets credit for two RBI and a single, for advancing one runner one base, another runner two bases, and making an out. Meanwhile, on the previous at bat, Julio Lugo hits a grounder that advances two baserunners one base each. He is credited with making an out. For those of you scoring at home (or, as Keith Olbermann used to say back when he was cool, even if you're alone), it comes out like this: Advancing runners three bases and making an out is recorded as a positive offensive performance, while advancing runners two bases and making an out is recorded as a negative offensive performance. Ridiculous.

Of course, those aren't the only important events missing from your morning box score. During the course of the Devil Rays' 8-3 victory, you could have seen:

- Aubrey Huff going from second to third on a fly ball to center by Julio Lugo.
- Rey Sanchez getting from first to second on a grounder to third.
- Sanchez and Damian Rolls advancing on a fly to center by Rocco Baldelli.
- Gary Sheffield going from second to third on a grounder by Jorge Posada.
- Hall going to third on a grounder to second by Carl Crawford.
- Baldelli going from first to third after Jason Giambi lets a pick-off throw go through his legs.

Ah well. The season has started, the Yankees lost, and I live in the lap of luxury. 21st Century King.

Sirius Satellite Radio

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